the epitome of serendipity

Little Deaths

2011-03-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

Dying little deaths
day by day
a never-ending journey
with thousands of little steps.

The seed must die when sown
to become that great tree
though painful for a season
beauty will unfold in due time.

The cost of the Way
is to daily day
to those dreams, doubts or fears
but more importantly, to ourselves.

Reality check?

2011-02-23T06:24:00.000-08:00

“Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.”

- Bill Gates

Shalom.

2011-01-08T04:31:00.000-08:00

Well, for about the last week... I was in Israel. I stayed with a couple of missionaries in a Muslim village outside of Jerusalem. The trip was incredible... as anyone could probably imagine. Getting to see with my own eyes what I've heard with my ears for all these years was nothing short of extraordinary. I was constantly reminded of God's unending love for us, the new Israel. How merciful our God is... He has drafted us into the olive tree. We get to play a part in the story of redemption, how beautiful!

As I heard the Muslim call to prayer 5 times a day, the Lord reminded me of the war we are fighting in daily. It is a war for the souls that he loves so dearly. Many times, okay most of the time, I live as if we're in a time of peace... aka complacency. But we are called to battle for the shalom that Christ came to bring to this broken world. Shalom-- so much more than peace, it is wholeness of the body and soul. That is my prayer for this next semester: shalom in every aspect of my life. Let us seek to truly love Christ with every aspect of our lives, every aspect. I long to see every thing I say and do flow out of a love for the Messiah.... only then will shalom characterize my daily life.

The new year always brings about a time of reflection and planning. If you know me, you know I'm a planner.... but reflecting is something that does not come as easy for me. I'm prone to live in the future... which has its grievances. But goal-setting and planning is a great thing, when they are fully submitted to the will of God. I am daily learning the importance of holding my plans with an open palm. The Lord is ultimately in control, and his plan is way better than mine anyways.

Because of this phase in my life... it is easier for me to set goals on a semester basis, because every semester is different from the others: new classes, new organizations, new living situations, new job responsibilities, etc.

So here is the list of my goals [open to alteration] for Spring Semester 2o11:

1. Become a good steward of my money.
A. Create a budget.
B. Track my money and recognize sinful spending habits.
C. Enforce my budget (especially on eating out and buying coffee).
D. Give beyond my tithe to advance the kingdom of God.

2. Become a good steward of my time.
A. Wake up at 5 AM.
B. Track where I spend my time and recognize sinful habits.
C. Use every minute for the glory of God; do not give in to idleness.

3. Become a good steward of my relationships.
A. Pursue the people I believe the Lord is leading me to.
B. Recognize relationships that need more or less investing.
C. Maintain true Gospel community.
D. Live missionally and intentionally.

4. Become a good steward of my physical health.
A. Continue training for half-marathon.
B. Track what I eat and recognize sinful habits.
C. Eat more vegetables (seriously, it needs to happen).
D. Strive for eight hours of sleep.

5. Become a good steward of my mental health.
A. Study for the knowledge, not for the grade.
B. Recognize sinful thought patterns and combat them with Truth.
C. Read books purely for recreation.

6. Become a good steward of my spiritual health.
A. Spend substantial time in the Word (in addition to what I spend in preparation for teaching).
B. Recognize areas of personal weakness and commit to change, by the grace of God.
C. Take a weekly Sabbath to spend in communion with my Savior.
D. Develop my daily prayer life.

Wow, I really wasn't excepting this list to become a full-fledged outline. Story of my life.

It's going to be a great semester!!
Shalom y'all.

I count the steps to where I am, from where I started.

2010-12-04T16:29:00.000-08:00

Longing for the deeper reality.

Now we know in part, but then we shall know fully.

He has a city prepared for us-- an everlasting one.

Somehow these afflictions are dust compared to the eternal weight of glory prepared for us.

Existence is inevitable, but are we really living?

Just a weary pilgrim, moving from one inn to another.

Simplicity

2010-10-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

Well , a sweet friend mentioned that she came across my blog by happenstance; it was at this moment that I decided an update was needed.

I am currently on the fourth floor of the library, sitting by a window that overlooks campus. The picturesque reflection of this setting reminds me of the beauty existing within seasons, each one: so strategic and necessary. College is a wonderful season of growth and change, and I am finding it easier and easier to enjoy this little time I have left at A&M for my roots to grow down deep.

A very wise sophist once said: "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around every once in awhile, you could miss it." Who can deny the deep philosophical wisdom of Ferris Bueller? Not me. In a society where technological social networks replace genuine community, and status updates replace the need for catching up at the local coffee shop... I fear that we may miss the joy and peace that comes from a life of simplicity: Loving Jesus and loving people.

My prayer is for my blog posts not to be an "emotion regurgitation" as in the distant days of Xanga, but I hope that the sentences on this page will provoke thought and reflection in your own life. Be encouraged, friends... The Lord pursues our wandering hearts.

It's about time...

2010-06-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

Well, it takes me 6 months and being bored out of my mind in Texarkana to finally update my blog... but here goes it:

I am half-way done with college... CRAZY. This calls for nothing but a mid-college life crisis. Enjoy.

Many times, I am reminded of the fact that I am an Anthropology & Classics double major with a minor in Creativity... What exactly do I want to do with my life again? Good question...

I've started answering the typical "So what do you want to do after graduation" question with a simple answer: serve the Lord, thanks and gig 'em. Really, this is just my cop out for admitting that I don't have a real plan. Yes, seminary is still in the plan... but we all know what happens when Rebecca makes plans. They fail. Not to be a pessimist or anything...

Here is a little snip-bit of my last semester:

a reunion with sweet friends at a wedding

beach reach in Panama City, FL

the celebration of a roommate's birthday in Austin

another roommate birthday celebration

the visitation of my BFF

serving with FLiC in Houston

Parent's Weekend Brunch

The no less than legit Semi-Formal

Saying goodbye to my favorite little girls

Laughing with my best friends

And again, more laughs

Surviving finals with a little help from my friends

and a 6th consecutive birthday celebration at Ironwood

Yeah, it's been a great semester. Lots of growth, many laughs, few regrets. And no, I didn't steal that from a Hobby Lobby frame... I am considering copyrighting it though.

Until next time... stay classy cyber-world.

Through the midst of finals...

2009-12-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

So as I am procrastinating studying for my final tomorrow that is more than likely going to eat my lunch... God has really spoken to me through the wise words of Spurgeon about how worthless the things of this world really are. I have been learning lately about seeing "the big picture." God is writing a beautiful story about the redemption of mankind and my life is a part of that. Awesome. It sure does make that test tomorrow seem a lot smaller when I look at it through the lens of eternity.

"It is well there is One who is ever the same, and who is ever with us. It is well there is one stable rock amidst the billows of the sea of life. O my soul, set not thine affections upon rusting, moth-eaten, decaying treasures, but set thine heart upon Him who abides for ever faithful to thee. Build not thine house upon the moving quicksands of a deceitful world, but found thy hopes upon this rock, which, amid descending rain and roaring floods, shall stand immovably secure. My soul, I charge thee, lay up thy treasure in the only secure cabinet; store thy jewels where thou canst never lose them. Put thine all in Christ; set all thine affections on His person, all thy hope in His merit, all thy trust in His efficacious blood, all thy joy in His presence, and so thou mayest laugh at loss, and defy destruction. Remember that all the flowers in the world's garden fade by turns, and the day cometh when nothing will be left but the black, cold earth." (Spurgeon, Morning & evening, may 11)

2009-10-31T12:53:00.000-07:00

So I'm typically not one to have a difficult time making decisions, even big ones. Not saying that I'm not prayerful about decisions, but I usually don't wrestle with "God's will." I just kind of do whatever I think I'm supposed to do with ease. And it's worked out quite nicely, thus far.

Not the case these past few weeks.

For some reason, the Lord has really been stretching my faith in the whole "future plans arena." I've had a lot of "good vs. good" decisions lately where I genuinely have had NO IDEA what I'm supposed to do. And frankly, it sucks. So many times, I believe that God's will is going to come to me as a yam cake recipe... clear cut and easy.

I'm typically so discerning on what I need to do but I'm so glad that the Lord is teaching me the forgotten lesson of fully relying on Him for every single step on this journey we call life. We're called to do one thing, Love Him with our entire beings. If that's our goal, the minor details will be just that, minor.

Pictures of the DR. J house!

2009-09-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

ugh....

2009-09-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

I hate greek.

stupid thorn in the flesh.

Silence.

2009-08-09T08:05:00.000-07:00

So for the first time since about spring break, I finally have some real "alone time." The last 5 months of my life have been non-stop until now... where I am sitting in my new house alone. I must admit that it's nice to finally be able to reflect on all that God has been doing throughout the craziness of camp, traveling and school this last year... and He has definitely been doing a lot.

Many times as Americans, we fear silence. We always have to have our ipods, televisions and cell phones on. Always. I'm just as guilty as everyone else when it comes to filling my life up with noise. But we must listen to God's voice OUTSIDE of the noise that encompasses our lives; just like when God spoke to Elijah in a whisper... after the wind, earthquake and fire. If we were quiet enough, I'm convinced that we wouldn't be so confused about God's will for our lives... we're just not shutting up and listening to Him speak. Instead, we mumble cookie cutter prayers without ever truly listening for His response. And we know what James says about double-minded people... Why should they receive anything from God?

Spend some with the Lord... and do more listening than talking.

I guess it wouldn't be a break if it never ended...

2009-03-20T10:00:00.001-07:00

I do not want spring break to end... AHHH! I love CHILLaxing. It's my new favorite pastime.

BUT- at the same time, I am so excited for the next several months of life. It's going to be AWESOME. Here's a visual of the future:

hanging out with my awesome a&m friends for the remainder of the semester.
going to Spain, Morocco and Portugal for 2 weeks.
loving on kids for 2 whole months.
moving into the cutest little townhouse ever with 2 of my best friends.
going to Impact and ministering to the fightin' Texas aggie class of 2013.
starting a whole new school year of AMAZINGNESS.

whew, let the good times roll...

A new leaf turned over...

2009-02-15T13:26:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know that I have not posted since December... but I figured that the less I post, the more people will appreciate the profundity of my words. Or I could have just forgotten about this... you can choose which one to believe.

Lately, I have been convicted on an issue that I would have NEVER in a 1000 years thought was even a "serious" flaw in my life. And when I say conviction, I mean slap yo momma in the face conviction (and no, I'm not really sure what I mean by that phrase). If you even REMOTELY know me, you will know that the cliche' "cleanliness is next to godliness" is definitely NOT my maxim in life. BUT as I was reading Elisabeth Elliot this week, these words jumped out of the page and slapped me in the face... TWICE.

"The way you keep your house, the way you organize your time, the care you take in your personal appearance, the things you spend your money on all speak loudly about what you believe. 'The beauty of Thy peace' shines forth in an ordered life. A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul."

Wow. Now I'm not going to lie, I had a little argument with Ms. Elliot on this little theological issue. But she won.

There is no way that I can justify the "messiness" of my life. And by messiness, I not only mean the lack of organization in my room, but also my poor management of time, disregard of my outward presentation and loose spending of my resources. What are all these areas saying about what I believe? 1 Corinthians explicitly states that "God is not a god of confusion, but of peace..." Are my actions and way of living mirroring the peace of the Lord? Don't answer that.

And many of you reading this (at least hundreds) may have the excuse of "Oh it's just my personality. I'm a free-spirit who loves people too much to have an ordered life. Plus, spontaneity is the best route, order just smothers creativity." FALSE. Personality is not a justification for chaos.... or should I say LACK OF DISCIPLINE. How are we to be DISCIPLES of Christ if we cannot pick up after ourselves and spend our money wisely? Although some may be more naturally inclined to vacuuming twice a day, that does not excuse the rest of us to be good stewards only when we feel like it. I must be disciplined in all areas, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically (like eating and working out! but that's another conviction for another day).

In closing, if God is the God of the "big things" then He must also be God of the "small things." How I live is a picture of what I believe. If I believe in a God of peace and order, then my life must also reflect that image.

Since I don't have enough to consume my time...

2008-12-29T22:00:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am. Beginning a blog. It is a new era in the serendipitous world of Rebecca B. Maddox. I am resolved to not make this in any way equivalent to the Xanga posts of my pathetic past. This blog shall be deep, philosophical, and thought provoking. Or not.